It all began with what I thought was an open door of an exciting new opportunity (of a worldly matter) in late January of 2020. I was still in the midst of feeling so happy as I had finally completed my bachelor’s degree from university the year prior. With that said, I did istikhira (prayer for seeking counsel) and then embarked on the opportunity that Allah has given me and subhanAllah... it overwhelmed me to a point that I never experienced before.

The new opportunity that I was excited for ended up being something that completely charged me with heavy, negative feelings. I spent about 2 weeks feeling that way but still not wanting to give up despite the signs I was seeing. Around mid to late February, the door that very easily opened for me had abruptly closed. I felt only seconds of relief but what came later, is what I assume, changed the course of how Allah has guided me to Him.

Alhamdulillah, I was always a practicing Muslim but was ignorant of many things and didn’t utilize enough time to study the deen from when I was working or in uni/school. Not only did covid-19 hit and our world came to a halt but I realized too late that I went far into myself and magnified the pain that I was experiencing. It didn’t make sense to me that a “closed door of opportunity” hurt me that way so I think it was just a combination of being exposed to a lot of negativity over the years from different means as well as the “me, myself, and I” attitude. By Ramadan of 2020, I gave up a lot of the things I was ignorant about that was wrong and started taking the steps of wanting to know more about my purpose in this life. Now that I think about it... it was easy and uneasy at the same time. It was easy in the sense that Allah has made it so easy for me, alhamdulillah, to give up on things that I never thought I could give up and has made me become eager to learn about Him. It wasn’t easy in the sense that I was struck with a lot of waswas (whispers), become more sensitive, and lost interest in the stuff I once enjoyed. I spent 2020 and 2021 with that mindset and it felt like I had to start over because everything became so challenging to me. My family and friends noticed these changes and alhamdulillah (all thanks and praise is to Allah) they were very patient and supportive with a bit of mishaps.

But... through all of that, I didn’t stop making duas (invocations), I incorporated adhkars and Qur’an into my daily routine besides fulfilling my obligations and seeking knowledge. And I just honestly don’t remember a time (before this) where I was that keen and that conscious of Allah the Exalted. By summer of 2021, I wanted to find out whether there’s a community of sisters in UAE that gets together for the sake of Allah and alhamdulillah Allah has guided me to finding this markaz online. It took me about 2-3 months to finally join the centre’s WhatsApp group because I was still quite nervous. Alhamdulillah, now that a full year has passed since I joined the markaz, Allah has not only paved the way for me and allowed me to meet so many sisters and benefit from them but more importantly He has made me realize how significant Tawheed really is. I was all over the place with not knowing how to control my emotions and live my life normally because the basic, most important foundation was deficient in my knowledge of the deen (religion). SubhanAllah, all of that came into fruition in these few years, as before 2020, my mind was too occupied with mostly worldly matters.

Truly, la illah illa Allah Muhammad Rasool Allah; (There is no one worthy of worship except Allah, and Muhammed is His Messenger). It’s through learning about who Allah is, in addition to, pondering and reflecting about the dunya and akhira that I’m able to worship Him better than before and have the ability to manage the highs and lows of life. It’s through learning about the stories of all of our prophets (peace be upon all of them) that I continue to learn how to be more disciplined, patient, and aware of how I can seek rewards from Allah even from worldly matters through sincere intentions.

May Allah guide us all and keep us on the straight path.